YOU MIGHT BE A TROUT BUM
BY JOHN BERRY
I have heard the term “trout bum” bandied about quite a bit. Heck on occasion, I have even been called one. However, I am not sure that I know exactly what one is. I took it upon myself to investigate this term. I read the very insightful book by John Gierach on the subject. I traveled to the various places where trout bums congregate. I went fishing on the Madison, the Deschutes, the Henry’s Fork, the Green, the San Juan, the Yellow Stone and every other trout stream where I thought I might learn something useful on the subject. I attended National Conclaves, Southern Conclaves, Sow Bug Roundups, and the “Home Waters” Expo. I visited lodges, fly shops, bars and fishing cabins. I have talked to countless anglers. Sadly, I am unable to find a succinct definition. What I was able to identify from all of this learned research is that there are certain indicative behaviors that can predict whether you are a trout bum. The more of these that you exhibit the more likely it is that you are one. I have listed a few of these indicators below.
If your cat is named Winston and your dog is called Lefty, you might be a trout bum.
If your family had to eat Christmas dinner on TV trays because your dining room table is set aside for fly tying, you might be a trout bum.
If you missed the birth of your first child because it coincided with the start of the sulphur fly hatch, you might be a trout bum.
If your fly tying vise cost more than your automobile, you might be a trout bum.
If one or more of your children were conceived on the back seat of a drift boat during a lull in the salmon fly hatch, you might be a trout bum.
If your wedding reception was held in a fly shop, you might be a trout bum.
If your wife wants to do something romantic on your anniversary and you take her night fishing, you might be a trout bum.
If she thinks you finally hit a home run with that idea, she might be a trout bum.
If you have ever worn a fishing shirt to a funeral, you might be a trout bum.
If Wapsi or Orvis makes more than three deliveries a week to your home, you might be a trout bum.
If you can identify every insect you encounter on the river with its complete scientific name (in Latin) but can’t remember your children’s names, you might be a trout bum.
If the only time anyone has seen you cry was when you broke the tip on your bamboo rod, you might be a trout bum.
If your greatest fear in life is that when you die your wife will sell your fishing tackle for what you told her you paid for it, you might be a trout bum.
If you honestly believe that you can save money by tying your own flies, you might be a trout bum.
If you own more fly boxes (all completely filled with flies) than your wife has pairs of shoes, you might be a trout bum.
This list is by no means complete. I would not be concerned unless I exhibited more than five indicators.
Have one of your own that you would like to share? Send it to me at
www.berrybrothersguides.com .
ASK JOHN
Mike W. asks: John did you ever buy some new boots with the new rubber soles?
Mike,
I bought a pair of Korkers with interchangeable soles. I got them with rubber soles and studded rubber soles and the BOA lacing system. I love them. They are perfect for boating on the White River.
John Berry
[email protected]www.berrybrothersguides.com
